Playing it solo.

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I’ve loved Bo at every stage of her pretty eventful three and a half months of life, but there is something pretty special going on right now that makes me fall in love with her again and again all day long.

We [I] had a rough week last week. Isolation and distance got the better of me and I sunk a little into a bit of a slump that wasn’t a nice place to be. I was afraid I wasn’t being the best mama that I could be because essentially I was feeling sad and sorry for myself for all the things we were missing out on having back home. I was craving adult interaction, friends, family, shop keepers, whoever.. and it was getting me down. I love my husband dearly, but he’s not always enough.

This week brought a fresh new outlook on life and a surprise friend to brighten the mood. It’s amazing the difference a fourty five minute chat over a glass of juice in your native tongue can make. And then some!

Bo has been a patient little gem through the ups and downs. She’s starting to really chuckle and she interacts in a way that brings so much joy to our little house on the rice fields. she loves to play. With her uncles at the beach. With her daddy. With me. She loves to be chatted to, in her own language, and she chats right back. She’s always got a smile and a story to share.

But then there are her quiet times. When she just likes to play alone. I watch like a fly on the wall as she talks to her hands and slowly rolls from side to side learning how her body moves. She eyes off her toys and has started reaching out and really grabbing them and pulling them close to her. There is such beauty in it all… such a presence of a little soul finding her way into the world. I watch her and I realise just how privileged I am to have her as my girl. She’s her OWN girl first, of course. But she’s mine too – because she comes from my heart.

xox

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4 responses »

  1. Just to let you know-I get all those feelings still here in Australia, it’s all part of adjusting to mummyhood.

    On another note-I really hope you write a book on these experiences one day. Your posts are beautiful, reflective and the kind of thing I had wanted to write from birth for my son but never made it. I’m loving following your journey. Thank you for sharing it.

  2. Beautiful, lady! Is it terrible that I wondered straight away what kind of juice it was? 😛

    I know EXACTLY how you feel, even if our worlds are so, so, SO different right now. I’m certain that what’s at the core of these feelings is the same for mummas all over the world. It’s so exhausting, so challenging and, just as you’ve so beautifully described, so freaking wonderful! Bo is lucky to come from such a beautiful heart. ❤

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